Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
