He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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