It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't deserve a penis
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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