my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
