That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
