her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
