Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
