Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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