I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
