and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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