Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
