hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
