Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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