I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
