why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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