"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
