Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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