My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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