when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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