...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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