Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
