i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
