Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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