Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
