Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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