Porn is love you can see.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
