no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
