Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
