Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
