i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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