i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i now understand why vodka
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
