Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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