The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
