some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i will never coherently bang her
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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