I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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