My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
