you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
