Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
