Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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