I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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