You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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