Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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