I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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