I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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