After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
