I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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