does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
