Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
