There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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