oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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