I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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