I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
