apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
false alarm, still single
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