I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
