Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
