Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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